The Longest Day of His Life
by Eglagaladiel
Summary: AU. Set in the year 1442, 21 years after ROTK. What happens when Legolas and Gimli are shanghaied into babysitting Aragorn and Arwen’s children? Hilarity ensues! Hope you like it—R&R!


The Longest Day of His Life

Summary: AU. Set in the year 1442, 21 years after ROTK. What happens when Legolas and Gimli are shanghaied into babysitting Aragorn and Arwen's children? Hilarity ensues! Hope you like it—R&R!

A/N: A little digging in the ROTK Appendices came up with a plausible setting for this one. (Bear with me!) It's 1442 because that's when Sam, Rosie, and Elanor spend a year in Gondor. A little extrapolation makes it reasonable that Tolman (youngest of Sam and Rosie's 13 kids) was born during this time. I'm taking a little license with the royal kids: let's just say that Aragorn and Arwen have 3 daughters. I got those names from the Annals of Kings and Rulers: Best baby name book in Middle Earth!

Also, I must give much credit to my research department (also known as Holdur) for brainstorming this all with me. She will be posting a sequel to this story at some point. It seemed fair to share the wealth!

It's long for a one-shot, but I didn't feel like dividing it into chapters. Sound good? Here we go!

Oh, and the characters aren't mine. But I'm pretty sure you already knew that. If Legolas was mine, he wouldn't be babysitting, that's for sure. OK!

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It had been some time since Legolas and Gimli had seen Gondor, and with Sam visiting, along with his wife and daughter, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to see several of their friends at once. But, of course, even elves can be mistaken, so here's what really happened.

The inseparable dwarf and elf rode up to the gleaming gates of Minas Tirith, like they had so many times, where they were greeted by the King and Queen, along with their four children. Nothing seemed unusual: Aragorn was ever the proud father and Arwen wore a weary smile as she tried to prevent any of the children from running into the road and being run over by passing carts. Legolas could see this scene unfolding long before the royal family could see him, so he had plenty of time to prepare himself for the onslaught that was coming. He was surprised, though, that Sam's family was not with them. But by then they had reached the gates, so he thought no more of it.

As soon as he recognized the two figures on the horse, Eldarion made a break from his mother and ran towards them, yelling "AHHHHHHH!" and brandishing a small wooden sword. Legolas had just enough time to dismount and draw his own sword, stopping Eldarion dead in his tracks. The King and Queen were clearly unnerved by this, but Legolas quickly put his sword away and bent down to ruffle the boy's hair. With a huge smile, Legolas opened his arms and said, "Why, you must be twice as large as you were the last time I saw you! And you've been working on your fighting skills. I was so worried! I thought I would have to defend myself." With a glance at Aragorn and Arwen, who had caught up to them, he added sheepishly, "Sorry about that."

But Aragorn seemed less concerned than Arwen, and patted his son on the shoulder, saying "Yes, indeed! He will make a fine king someday!" Eldarion swelled up with pride at the complements from his father and Legolas. Since he was twelve years old, it didn't take much.

By this time, the three girls, Ancalime, Telperien, and Vanimelde, had surrounded the horse and were trying to figure out the best way to "help" Gimli dismount. The two older ones could barely reach Gimli's feet, but even with all of their efforts, they could not pull him off. Gimli did not want to offend the King and Queen by kicking their children, as he would have done with just about anyone else's children, so instead he diplomatically cleared his throat. Fortunately, this caught Arwen's attention and she lightly scolded, "Children! Is that any way to say hello to your favorite dwarf?" Of course, their youngest daughter, Vani, was only three years old and had not even been born when Legolas and Gimli last visited Gondor, so she was quite unsure what to make of this short, hairy man on the horse. Gimli gave her his best charming smile, which naturally caused her to burst into tears.

Gimli immediately felt terrible and tried to reassure the tiny princess, "Ah, lass! It's just old Gimli!" Vani's waterworks had caught everyone's attention by this time and they all just laughed as Arwen scooped up her daughter and started walking back towards the gates of the city. Legolas helped Gimli off the horse so that an attendant could lead it to the stables. Then the eight of them made an unusual procession: Arwen in front holding Vani, Aragorn holding the hands of Anca and Peri, Eldarion hovering around Legolas and trying to poke the elf with his sword, and Gimli trying to keep up.

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They headed back to the throne room, where the children could run free without fear of being squashed and the adults could speak in relative peace. After the customary greetings and well-wishings, Legolas asked, "And what of Master Samwise? We are looking forward to seeing him, as well!"

At that, Aragorn and Arwen exchanged nervous glances. Arwen looked down at the floor and Aragorn cleared his throat before continuing, "Well, in fact we have not seen him ourselves. We expected him about three days ago and unfortunately we have not received any further word." As the four of them considered this statement in silence, a messenger approached their table and bowed.

"Your Highness, I have a message from Master Samwise Gamgee of the Shire."

All present reacted with evident relief and Aragorn responded impatiently with a wave of his hand, "Well, do not keep us waiting!"

The messenger cleared his throat and recalled, "He is not far from here, but unfortunately his wife's pregnancy has slowed their progress somewhat and he sends his apologies for being delayed."

Aragorn looked relieved at the news that no harm had befallen them, but Arwen knew what life was like in the late stages of pregnancy and could think of several unpleasant things that could have held up their travel. Without hesitation, she burst out, "We will ride out to meet them! The King and I shall leave at once to assist our friends."

The messenger bowed and turned to leave, but Aragorn held him up, and turned to his wife. "But Arwen, our other guests have only just arrived!" And motioning to the other end of the room he continued, "And we cannot take the children with us!" Lightly placing his hand on Arwen's arm, he said, "You may ride out to them if you think it prudent, but I shall stay here with Legolas and Gimli."

Arwen put her other hand on his and said more forcefully, "No. I believe I will need your help bringing them back. And... wouldn't you _like to get away from the city_ for a time?" As she leaned towards her husband, she raised her eyebrows in such a way that no one could doubt she was Elrond's daughter. "Well?"

Aragorn looked to their guests, as if for help in avoiding this errand and then quickly looked back to Arwen. "What about the children?"

Arwen dismissed that concern with a wave of her hand and replied, "The household staff is here!" And as her eyes swept across the room, back to their table, she added with a sweet smile, "And Legolas and Gimli!"

Legolas and Gimli immediately looked at each other with wide eyes and realized that this would not be the social visit that they had anticipated.

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In a short time, the King and Queen were prepared to leave and now it was Legolas and Gimli standing with the children at the gates. The children were overjoyed that they would be spending the night with their "uncles", but Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn did not seem as sure. But Arwen was the mother, and if she said that an elf and a dwarf would watch her children, then that's how it was going to be. She kissed each of her children goodbye and reminded them to be good, but they looked like being good was not foremost on their minds.

After Aragorn and Arwen had ridden into the distance, Legolas and Gimli nervously shifted their weight from foot to foot for a couple of minutes. Finally, Gimli ventured, "Well, children, what are we going to do now?", adding under his breath, "I suppose a field trip to the Mines of Moria is out." But he did not need to devise a plan, because the children had plenty of ideas of their own.

They all began speaking at once in response to Gimli's question, until finally Legolas interrupted. "One at a time, one at a time! Eldarion, what would you like to do?"

Barely able to contain himself, the boy responded, "We're going to swordfight and practice archery and scale the castle walls and race horses and..."

Until one of his sisters interrupted him, "No we're not! We're going to play dress up and have tea parties and play tiddley-winks and tell stories and..."

Gimli attempted to mediate, saying, "Now, children, we can..."

But by then, Eldarion was off to his chambers, with Legolas in hot pursuit. Gimli looked around nervously at the fact he had been left alone with three small females, who were already dragging him in a different direction. He briefly considered calling for help, but he did not want the members of the household to think that he was incapable of the task Arwen had appointed to him. He gulped and asked, "Where are we going?", but the girls just giggled.

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As Legolas ran after the future king, he was struck by how much he was like his father. When the elf caught up to him and grabbed him around the waist, Eldarion struggled but couldn't manage to break free. "Gotcha!" teased Legolas. "Where do you think you are going?"

"To find me some orcs!" declared Eldarion bravely, with a dramatic wave of his wooden sword.

Legolas let go of the boy and stood up. Raising one eyebrow and folding his arms across his chest, he replied, "Right. That will be difficult, considering that there are no orcs left." This was shocking news for Eldarion, who immediately looked like someone told him that his favorite pet had just died. Legolas bent down to pat him on the head, but before he could manage, Eldarion slipped away again, this time running in the exact opposite direction, towards the great hall.

Legolas considered going back to find Gimli, until he realized that he had left his sword, bow, and full quiver in the great hall as soon as they arrived. With the news of Sam, he had completely forgotten them. If he could not remember, surely Eldarion wouldn't! Would he? Well, actually, yes... he would. So Legolas sprinted for the great hall. But Eldarion knew a short-cut and made a beeline for the discarded weapons. Gimli had also left his axe, so the boy was faced with a difficult decision when he arrived. But he wanted to practice archery and be an elf like his mother, so bow and quiver it was!

By the time Legolas made it there, Eldarion had managed to lodge arrows in two royal portraits and nearly knock over a vase, which Legolas narrowly saved as he raced through the doorway. After setting the vase back on its pedestal, Legolas decided that he had had quite enough of playing "chase." In a serious, and rather loud, voice he said, "Put my weapons down right now, young man! This is not a game!" But Eldarion seemed to disagree. He stuck his tongue out and tried to run away again, but Legolas was not playing around any more and caught him much more quickly. He snatched the weapons away from the boy, angrily saying, "Give these back, you..." But just then one of the guards walked by and shot Legolas a suspicious look, causing him to finish, "...honorable son of Gondor."

After properly securing the weapons on his back, Legolas extended his hand and kindly offered, "Look, let's just go and find your sisters. How about that?"

But Eldarion would have none of that. He turned around and said, with his back to Legolas, "I don't wanna play with you any more. I'm going to my room."

Legolas was quite relieved to hear this. So relieved, in fact, that he had forgotten that his sword was still lying on the table where he had been sitting with Aragorn, Arwen, and Gimli only hours before. But Eldarion had not forgotten. So as soon as Legolas walked the other way, attempting to use reverse psychology, Eldarion picked up the sword with much difficulty and dragged it back to his room. Again, he knew all sorts of shortcuts to avoid being seen by anyone.

As soon as he made it back to his room, Eldarion started making other plans for the night. He wasn't going to let some pointy-eared babysitter tell him what to do. He was the future King of Gondor! He couldn't understand what was wrong with Legolas. Usually the elf was all fun and roughhousing. Eldarion just shook his head and started tying his bedsheets together.

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With his keen hearing, Legolas was able to follow the sounds of one dismayed dwarf and three delighted little girls, which led him to a tea party, already in full swing. And he was greeted by quite a sight: a short, round table, around which were seated all three girls, Gimli, and a handful of dolls. Naturally, this was a _formal_ tea party since they were _princesses_, after all. Accordingly, all three girls had changed into extremely frilly, pastel-colored dresses, and Gimli was looking quite fetching himself, with new ribbons in his beard, a pink bonnet on his large head, and... wearing some sort of polka-dotted article, which Legolas guessed must have been an apron before Gimli put it on.

Legolas said nothing when he entered the room, but shot his friend a bemused glance. In his own defense, Gimli stuttered, "I...I...what could I do? There are too many of them! I was surrounded!" This sent the girls into another round of giggling, and Gimli just shrugged his shoulders, because he knew he wouldn't be getting out of this any time soon.

Before Legolas could devise a witty retort, the oldest girl, Anca, said "You can't come to a tea party dressed like that!"

Legolas replied with raised eyebrows, "What, wearing pants? Or the weapons, your highness?"

Anca put her hands on her hips in a manner than she could only have learned from her mother, and countered with utter contempt in her voice, "Of COURSE the pants! Can't you see what Gimli is wearing? This is my palace, and YOU are going to put on some different clothes!"

By the time Legolas saw where this was going, it was too late. Soon enough, he found himself dressed very similarly to Gimli. But where Legolas was at an additional disadvantage was his long hair. Peri had decided to make him her personal project for the day, and since she couldn't braid very quickly (being only five years old), Legolas knew that it could very well take the entire night for her to complete the style she had planned. Legolas and Gimli looked at each other, knowing that they were thinking the same thing: Please, Eru, do not let any members of the household find us like this. But another visitor was on the way.

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Elrond, too, knew of Sam's planned visit and had chosen this day to bring a message to his daughter in the hopes of congratulating Sam and Rosie on the impending arrival of their thirteenth child. The guards informed him that Aragorn and Arwen had left, and did not know where Legolas and Gimli were, so they simply let Elrond in without escort. He often visited his grandchildren, so Arwen had set aside a particular guest room for him. When the King and Queen were out, Elrond was used to occupying himself until they returned. As he made his way through the halls, he could hear mixed giggling, groaning, and yelping coming from the girls' bedroom. He crept up to the door quietly, hoping to surprise his granddaughters, but it was Elrond who was in for a surprise.

As Elrond poked his head around the corner, Vani squealed with delight, "Dada!" and ran into his outstretched arms.

Elrond lifted her up over his head and laughed in return, "You look so beautiful! I'm sorry I had to miss your tea party!" But, really, Elrond was not sorry at all, as he had attended many tea parties in his day and did not need one more.

By this time, the two older girls had affixed themselves to his legs and were asking him all sorts of questions, "When did you get here? Did you bring us any presents? Do you want some tea? Did you know that Mommy and Daddy aren't here? Where's your crown?"

As Elrond began to answer, he looked up and his jaw dropped at the sight of two forlorn warriors. It wasn't... Yes, yes it was. Legolas and Gimli looked at each other and then back at Elrond, who for once was speechless. He had always been a little suspicious of the elf and the dwarf... But, no, he wouldn't hold this against them. He had been dressed up in a similar fashion by his granddaughters more than once, so he knew what a formidable team they could be. Elrond merely tipped his head politely and said, "I'm glad to see you both looking so well." By way of response, Legolas and Gimli both put their heads in their hands at precisely the same moment.

To deepen their shame, an attendant chose that moment to approach the unusually-dressed group and announce that it was time for dinner to be served. Food had never sounded so good to the reluctant babysitters. "But...but the tea party isn't over yet!", Anca protested as Legolas and Gimli quickly removed their party clothes.

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Legolas and Gimli were so relieved to be finished with tea party duty that they were falling all over each other volunteering to bring Eldarion down to dinner. So they went up together while Elrond answered the many questions of his granddaughters. Finally, three minutes of peace to talk to each other! Legolas started the inevitable jabs with a sly look downwards at his companion, "I must say, Gimli, that I have never seen your beard look better!"

Gimli realized in horror that he couldn't get the ribbons out of beard without a mirror and replied with a grin, "Aye, but it's nothing compared to your hair!" Legolas tentatively reached up with one hand to feel the top of his head, and it confirmed his fear. Ribbons. Lots of ribbons.

By then, they were at Eldarion's door, but both afraid to knock. Finally, Legolas mustered the courage and knocked. When there was no answer, he glanced at Gimli with suspicion and called aloud, "Eldarion? It's time for dinner, come join us!" Still, no answer. So Legolas shrugged and opened the door. But all he found was a trail of tied bedsheets leading out the window.

Their jaws dropped in horror at this turn of events. What would they tell Elrond?

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A/N: OK. I lied. This will actually be a two-parter. So stay tuned for the exciting conclusion! Dun – Dun – Dun!

And, yes, I realize that Elrond was not still in Middle Earth at this time, but it was too good to pass up!


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